The BSA has decided that it will now allow gay youth to join the scouts. This is a major step forward for Scouting. The organization will however continue to exclude adult gay males. The reasoning for this limited policy change is likely that there is a sentiment within (and without) various segments of Scouting that gay leaders aremore prone to sexually abuse young boys than heterosexaul leaders. Nothing could be further from the truth. Adult male leaders who molest boys are not homosexual. They are pedophiles or hebephiles (sexual interest in post-pubescent boys who have no interest in consensual adult relationships – they are only interested in preying on boys. Many have and will criticize the BSA for only partially eliminating the ban, but we must realize that like with all large institutions, change does not come overnight. This was a substantial about-face for the BSA that was, from all news reports, not an easy one for the organization to make. I firmly beleive that the BSA will soon realize that gay youth make the BSA a stronger and better organization and that realization will provide the impetus for it, in the in the not too distant future, to change the present policy concerning adult leaders. Fot more information on the policy change, please read Erik Eckholm’s NY Times piece.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/20/us/boy-scouts-move-to-lift-ban-on-gay-members.html

Like the release of the BSA perversion files in October of last year, the recently released sexual abuse files of the Archdiocese of Los Angeles clearly establish that organizations which are founded on the lofty principle of the nourishment and protection of a child’s body and soul, act against their own best interests when they attempt to conceal the problem of sexual abuse.  Such tactics are   myopic because they weaken, not strengthen the organization. Had the Catholic Church and the BSA dealt openly and honestly about their child molestation problem  by informing their membership of the risks and immediately reporting suspected violators to law enforcement, they would have had  not just the support and admiration of their membership but of the public.

The court-ordered release of the Los Angeles  Archdiocese files demonstrates   in stark and alarming detail the   utterly   tragic dimensions of the problem of sexual abuse within that once- hallowed institution.  The original civil lawsuits which eventually forced the release of these  files revealed facts that  were  at once outrageous and disturbing:   priests exploiting the trust of the most innocent of their parishioners and then moved   from  parish to parish  to avoid arrest and scandal.  The myriad stories of molestation and broken souls   made clear   the   moral bankruptcy of the Archdiocese’s hierarchy.  But the minutiae  of Cardinal Mahoney’s  (and others) calculating decision-making process     which  have  emerged in the  just-released letters and memos , reveals a level of malevolence and cunning, the scope of which  would not have been comprehended   had the document remained secret — as was the desire of the Church.  If hell does exist, there should be   a special rung for   those   who knowingly protected predators posing as men of god.

Eric Lewis, a New York attorney, wrote a heart wrenching N.Y. Times essay (January 12, 2013) on being a student at Poly Prep in Brooklyn in the 1970’s when revered football Coach Phil Foglietta was winning games and sexually assaulting countless boys. The op-ed represents a twist on the numerous pieces we have read over the last few years on sexual abuse scandals. Lewis is the first person in memory to honestly admit, what I and many others who represent victims of sexual abuse know to be true.  Many people, including teenagers – know when something is not right with an adult who is in a trusted position of authority over kids. Lewis recounts examples of seeing something or feeling something he knew was just not right about the way Foglietta treated certain vulnerable boys, yet he kept quiet,  just like everyone around him. Lewis harshly takes himself to task for his silence and inaction. I admire Lewis for revealing this horrible secret he has carried all these years, however he should not be so hard on himself. The ones to blame are the teachers, administrators and other adults (who will never be as honest as Lewis) who observed the same things as a  15 year old and said nothing – I have always believed there is a special place in hell for those adults who remain silent in these situations, seeking to protect the institution for whom they work rather than the helpless child.

For over thirty years I have represented teens throughout the nation charged with homicide. I have not conducted any   laboratory controlled studies on the relationship between violent video games (or for that matter slasher movies or violent music lyrics) and   homicidal or aggressive behavior   in young people. I have however, come to many understandings about teen homicide and youth violence sitting for hours on end in windowless jail interview rooms with shackled teenagers who have taken the lives of friends, neighbors, family members and strangers. And what I have learned is that the relationship between the killing and what video game the kid plays, what movie he watches or song he listens to is so tenuous as to be irrelevant. If there   was any truly meaningful link between   homicide and media exposure from any source, then by now one would have seen a whole body of supportive forensic research being used in our courts. If any of this research being trotted out now held even a glimmer of hope for a person accused of murder, attorneys all over the country would be mounting vigorous defenses based upon this connection – but we haven’t. And the reason we haven’t is that the connection between the psychological and behavioral dynamics of youth homicide and violent video games and violent movies is simply not there.

                Critics of violent media typically trot out studies which supposedly show that children (in a controlled setting) become more agitated or aggressive in the aftermath of watching a violent movie or playing a violent video game. These studies however have precious little to do with the reality of teens that kill. They do not account for the myriad of familial, social and psychological factors that present themselves in the vast majority of homicides perpetrated by teens and young adults. However, these types of studies gain easy traction with the public and politicians because of a   widespread   distrust of teenagers and  the unspoken belief that even average, well-adjusted  16 or  18 year olds, can’t be relied upon to distinguish between fantasy and reality.

                The video-creators of Mortal Kombat and Resident Evil (or for that matter film directors like Quentin Tarantino and Oliver Stone) are also easy targets for the public’s wrath – much easier than say gun manufacturers. Our nation has a long and enduring history of making our musicians, film makers and television producers whipping boys   for the messy, intractable   social issues it doesn’t want to confront head on – and that is exactly what we are seeing now. In fact, witness that the only area of common ground between liberals and conservatives in the whole post-Newtown debate is tightening   the reins on video-game makers.    

                 Pointing the finger at video game makers also stems from an unwillingness to look directly at ourselves and our families for the real answers. The two principal factors at the heart of these terrible tragedies are long term mental illness and the prolonged exposure to   physical violence and sexual abuse in the home.   A number of years ago,   I represented a young teenage girl who shot her father with his own gun. The state’s theory was that she was under the influence of heavy metal music (Motley Crue) which put thoughts in her mind of   the occult and suicide.  (Outside the courtroom the prosecutor told the press that “research suggested that teenage fans of such music may be prone to violence.”) As the evidence came in, it became clear that music   had nothing to do with the homicide. In finding   her not guilty, the judge decided   that she   killed her father because he was beating her mother and she was fearful he was going to rape her.

 Many   children who kill also have psychological and behavioral adjustment problems which can be traced back to their pre-school and early elementary school years. In some of these cases parents simply do not see these problems; in others, they see the problems and either don’t know what to do or don’t care to do anything. Our unwillingness to accept the fact that serious mental illness in children and adolescents is simply way beyond the ability of most parents to effectively address is one of the most profound challenges we face in preventing youth violence.  

                We have for the first time an historic opportunity to move forward the national dialogue about violence in a meaningful way. Obviously restricting access to high-capacity weapons is a needed step, but we are deluding ourselves if we believe that any legislation curbing media violence in any of its forms will prevent future tragedies like Sandy Hook Elementary School. 

After an almost  18 month  battle, on October 18^th,  my co-counsel Kelly Clark and I released  pursuant to an order of the Oregon Suprme Court,  more than 14,500 pages of previously confidential documents from the Boy Scouts of America’s so called ‘Perversion Files,’ a set of files maintained by the Scouts since the 1920s on adult leaders who allegedly  molested scouts.  The files released today contain stark and disturbing details of alleged abuse by more than 1,200 different Scoutmasters and other adult volunteers in the period from 1965 and 1985.  Testimony at trial established that the average pedophile has between five and 20 victims leading to the tragic conclusion that thousands of boys were abused in the two decades covered by these   files. The released files were the centerpiece of a 2010 trial (Jack Doe 1, et at. v. Corporation of the Presiding Bishop of the Church of Latter-day Saints, et al. Multnomah County Circuit Court Case No. 0710-11294) in which we proved that the BSA knew for decades that it had an institution-wide problem with sexual abuse. The case ended with a jury verdict of nearly $20 million against the BSA on behalf of our client Kerry Lewis who was sexually abused in the early 1980’s by his   Scoutmaster. It was the first time that the Perversion Files were used as evidence in a trial. The files represent the largest and most comprehensive data collection system on child sexual abuse maintained by any youth organization in the nation. This release represents the first time that the general public will get a detailed look at these files. There are many lessons to draw from these files, but perhaps one of the most important is that if the largest and one of the most respected youth organizations in the United States had such a serious sexual abuse problem, then one can understand the immense scope and pervasiveness of this crisis that has destroyed untold lives.

In sentencing Jerry Sandusky on October 9th, Judge John Cleland perfectly summed up the truly destructive effects of child sexual abuse, not just for the Penn State victims, but for all victims of sexual abuse: This crime is not only what you did to their bodies, but their psyche and souls.”

When the average person hears about the sexual abuse of a child he or she naturally focuses on the horror of the what physcally happened to the child, but, it is actually the psychological and emotional consequences of the horrific acts which often incapacitate the victim for years, even a lifetime.  Some of the most damaging ones include the chronic intrusive thoughts of the abuse (flashbacks) caused by anything associated with the abuser such as his cologne or the color of his car; a compromised ability to trust another person, especially one in a position of authority and  profound feelings of sadness and loss – especially the loss of childhood innocence.   The real difficulty for victims is that to effectively address these and other problems that haunt them not just their waking hours but inhabit their dreams, requires them to be able to discuss the abuse and its effects with a therapist.  Many victims of sexual abuse are reluctant to go into therapy because they don’t want to relive the abuse – and tragically this in turn compounds their problems and delays their recovery.

On the surface, the Penn State scandal would seem to be another example of an institution of trust failing in its moral obligation to protect children. In fact, what the tragic web of human actions and inactions behind this outrage really shows us is that child sexual abuse is close to the perfect crime.

As the choruses of bloggers and essayists who have rushed to print in the last week have reminded us, perpetrators can rely on the majority of children to tell no one about their sexual abuse; most will carry the secret to their graves. Child molesters, especially trusted and respected adult authority figures like priests, coaches and teachers, gain control of their prey gradually rather than resorting to violent assault. They know how to target children with low self-esteem or poor parental support, and then spend weeks or months working their way into the child’s life with gifts, praise and outings. First physical touching, the stroke of a knee or a hug, becomes a normal part of the ‘relationship’, and when the more invasive forms of abuse begin, the child’s fate is sealed.

The Penn State tragedy is also a powerful reminder that child molesters can also count on the inaction of adults – and not just those in positions of authority. In my more than thirty years as a child abuse attorney representing victims, I have sadly seen that most people do exactly what the Pennsylvania Attorney General has accused two Penn State administrators of doing: Either they avoid asking the difficult questions, or they choose to look the other way. Countless times I have heard, ‘I felt something was going on but I just didn’t know what to do,’ or, ‘It wasn’t my place to say something.’

The scandal at Penn State also shows us that even when abuse is reported to civil authorities, the system cannot be relied upon for decisive action. According to the grand jury report in 1998, a mother reported to the University Police that Sandusky showered with her 11-year-old son. When confronted, Sandusky admitted he was wrong for showering and hugging the boy in the shower. The police told Sandusky not to shower with any child again and took no further action. Case closed. Would a cop who catches a criminal trying to break into a bank tell him not to do it again and send him on his way?

Most Americans are outraged that Penn State turned a blind eye to a pattern of child sex crimes in its athletic program, and at the heart of their indignation is the righteous certainty that they themselves, along with their family, friends, neighbors and co-workers, would have handled things differently. They would have gone straight to the police. Immediate action would have been taken. Not only does my experience as a child molestation attorney representing victims of abuse by clergy and Boy Scout leaders suggest the exact opposite is true, but so do the statisitics: In any one year, according to the National Center for Victims of Crime, about 90,000 cases of sexual abuse are reported, yet almost all experts agree that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused. The fact that such vast numbers of child sex crimes go unreported paints a disturbing picture of mass denial and apathy. Every day, all over America, people are choosing to look the other way when confronted with something suspicious between an adult and a child. When are we going to recognize this and begin to take responsibility?

While the national dialogue has rightly zeroed in on the alleged rape of a 10-year-old boy in a Penn State shower room, it is the stories of the other seven victims that raise the more complex and disturbing questions about our collective responsibility. The grand jury report shows that from 1994 through 2008, Sandusky surrounded himself with young boys, not only inviting them to sleep at his house on numerous occasions (where several of them were allegedly molested), but purchasing most of them expensive gifts like golf clubs, a computer, dress clothes, a snowboard and hockey equipment. At various times these young boys regularly accompanied him to Penn State football practices along with Philadelphia Eagles and college bowl games, and also to restaurants, family picnics, golf outings, tailgate parties and even church. During all these years, is it really possible that absolutely no one in Sandusky’s life – which I am sure is filled with decent people – had any inkling that Sandusky was up to something with all these young boys? With all these victims (and I believe more will come forward), no one in 14 years observed anything that made them the least bit uncomfortable? Really?

If it is true that not one of what must have been scores of people saw any red flags in Sandusky’s dealings with children, then the sexual abuse crisis is dramatically worse even than I thought. Have we failed to learn anything from the sexual abuse scandals that have swept our country over the last decade? Has it not been made clear that individuals and institutions are universally too slow to act? How much more education do we need about such an obvious public health crisis? I thought we had finally gotten past the tragically mistaken idea that child sexual abuse is a crime committed only by slovenly strangers in filthy raincoats – never by our respected friends and co-workers. It seems the Sandusky case may prove me wrong.

Over the last few weeks, grand juries in Clay and Jackson counties in Missouri have convened to investigate how the Diocese of Kansas City-St. Joseph has dealt with the problem of priests who sexually abuse minor parishioners. The investigations center on the arrest of Reverend Shawn Ratigan, who was arrested on federal child pornography charges earlier this year. The grand jury is marching right up the diocese hierarchy, even taking testimony from Bishop Robert Finn. The Missouri investigation comes on the heels of the Philadelphia grand jury, which issued its report earlier this year, the effects of which are still reverberating through the City of Brotherly Love.  As a clergy abuse lawyer, I am encouraged  by these developments.

Grand jury investigations are extremely effective at ferreting out the truth of the Church’s decades-long practices, which have wreaked havoc on the lives of untold numbers of innocent boys and girls. Grand juries are have not only the immense power to demand documents (ones that in a civil damage case the Church typically fights  tooth and nail to turn over) but the absolute authority to subpoena bishops and other high-ranking Church officials to testify about subjects that typically would not otherwise see the light of day.

Unfortunately, despite the effectiveness of this investigative tool, it has rarely been used by local district attorneys. Since the Boston Archdiocese scandal broke in 2002, there have been only a handful of grand jury investigations – the most prominent being the investigations of the Rockville Centre Diocese; the Diocese of Manchester, NH; the Archdiocese of Boston; the Diocese of Portland, Me.; and the Diocese of Phoenix. These few grand juries are a testament to the reality of the immense political will it takes to convene a grand jury to investigate a diocese.

The grand jury investigation of the Diocese of Kansas City is also a powerful reminder that the sexual abuse crisis in the Catholic Church is far from over. Because of the debilitating emotional and psychological effects of sexual abuse, it takes decades for victims to come forward. These victims deserve justice; where harsh statutes of limitations prevent clergy abuse lawyers from filing civil actions on behalf of victims, the grand jury investigation is the next best thing.

This post is the second of a two-part series on how child molesters operate. Read part one, “Common Sexual Abuse Myths.”

Once a parent realizes that child sexual abuse is most often perpetrated by a known and trusted adult, the next step is to learn how child molesters typically operate. When you understand the process the molester follows, it becomes easier to spot the subtle signs of sexual abuse.

Grooming

The most common pattern of child sexual abuse involves the adult using his or her position of authority and influence to first gain the child or teen’s trust, then to slowly ease his or her way further into the child’s life by giving them money, presents and, most importantly, showering them with attention. This process is called grooming and follows a very deliberate pattern.

It may be difficult to understand, but child molesters succeed in large part because they are simply very good at what they do. They spend their lives learning about kids – what they like to do, what they like to hear, etc. Child molesters are the real-life pied pipers because they know exactly how to excite and cater to a vulnerable child. It is also common that child molesters will work their way into a potential child victim’s life by befriending the family.

These molesters are a patient bunch. They know it takes many months – sometimes even a year – to gain a child’s attention (and the parents’ trust). They have no problem showering the child with attention, meaningful pep talks and small gifts, never touching the child even once throughout the process.

Physical Touching

After the child becomes very comfortable with the molester, the physical touching commences. And when I use the phrase physical touching, I do not mean touching in any way that most children would recognize or understand as sexual touching or even inappropriate touching, despite the fact that the molester certainly processes the touching as a sexually gratifying event.

This touching includes but is not limited to a tussle of the hair, a brief rubbing of the leg or even a quick hug. All through this phase, the molester continues to keep the child drawn to him by paying compliments, buying small gifts, etc.

Sexualized Touching

This is a critical phase, because it is the time when the molester makes a calculated determination as to whether he can proceed to the next step of the process. This step involves more invasive sexualized touching, such as back rubs or brushing his hand – seemingly innocently – over the child’s genitals or breasts.

Many children will shrink from such touching for a variety of reasons – they intuitively know it is wrong or have been told about good and bad touching by a parent or teacher. Molesters thrive on the compliance and silence of their victims. If a child resists the molester’s touchings, he will probably move on. It is simply not worth it to him to go after non-compliant child.

Because the typical child molester has contact with scores if not hundreds of children in his life, he becomes highly skilled at identifying the subtle signs as to whether he can proceed to increasingly more invasive touching.

Ensuring Silence

Coaches, priests and Boy Scout leaders who molest children all become skilled at identifying vulnerable children, such as those who are starved for affection or lack self-esteem. These children are perfect targets for the molester’s attention.

As the touchings proceed to sexual acts, the adult further exploits the child’s trust by variously saying things like “these are things friends do with each other” or “what we do with each other when we are alone has to be kept as our secret.” Soon the sexual abuse becomes a normal, routine part of the child’s life. The molester now has what he wants.

Only after the molester has woven the child into his web does he begin with the threats. These can be varied, from, “If you tell anyone what I am doing to you, nobody will believe you,” to, “If you tell anyone about this I will kill you,” or perhaps the most frightening threat to a child, “I will hurt your mommy and daddy very badly – or kill them.”

If anyone questions how commonplace these types of threats actually are, all they have to do is read Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown’s recently released biography Against All Odds, in which he recounts the threats from his abuser:

“He said, ‘If you tell anybody, I’ll kill you. I will make sure that no one believes you.’ ” Better yet, listen to the Senator in his own words.

Knowing who molests children and how to spot inappropriate behavior will go a long way toward protecting your child.

[ photo by: familymwr ]